To Vlog, Or Not To Vlog, That Is The Question…..

I have been watching a TON of makeup tutorials lately and it got me thinking – I have a lot to say. Usually thoughts will creep into my head and I’ll think to myself that it would be wonderful to put that into the world and share it, but I don’t always have the time, as I’d like, to sit down and write out a post about it . Worse, I’ll get the thought, and not be in a place where I can take advantage of stopping to write it down and post it. Enter the idea to start vlogging – or video logging – even here on my WordPress Blog. Would be easy enough to upload a vlog, and then come back here at the end of the day to share it as a post.

I’v considered SnapChat – and I do have a SnapChat account because though I’ve posted nothing, there are people I enjoy following for purely entertainment reasons and I’ve found some fun contests to be a part of. (I’m still waiting to win on said contests, but you get nothing if you don’t try!) The issue with SnapChat is you only get a few seconds, and there are topics that I certainly need more than a few minutes to converse about!

I would kinda like to try, as an ‘older’ woman, to recreate some of the make up tutorials I loved to watch. I’d also like to do some first impression vlogs about any number of products, and some social observation as well.

So I start to research, as I’m want to do, what I would need to use equipment wise for a good looking, solid blog. Holy OMG…$700 for a camera? Maybe eventually, but for now I think I’m going to see what I can finagle with my cell phone, a tripod, and some decent lighting. Maybe that can be part of the vlog too – how to build one.

If your interested, and would be curious what a 39 year old mother, full time office worker, recovering goth, nail obsessed, newly reinvigorated make up maven and general all around outspoken crafty sort of woman has to say, then let me know!

Advertisements

July Was A Whirlwind…

I realized this morning that I hadn’t blogged in a while and when I logged in to see where my last blog left me, I saw that it was 6/30/16! Bad blogger for not being more consistent. I really do need to work on that. Perhaps that’s a post in and of itself.

July was filled with quite a bit of insight, upheaval and dealing with travel (for my other half – not for me unfortunately) and in dealing with all of it life just sort of caught up to me. That being said, with kindergarten fast approaching for my littlest one, I suspect that August will be just as busy, albeit with more opportunity to take a few moments of my days and post something that will hopefully be worth while to read. I’m still figuring out this whole ‘blogging’ thing after all.

I need to get back to making my dolls and refreshing the stock in my etsy shop. I love to work on them, but they do consume quite a bit of time – particularly if I’ve opted to reroot their hair and I have a tendency to just sit down and work, work, work once an idea hits me. I’ve been seeing a LOT of Suicide Squad Harley Quinn’s of late and that makes me happy. Some great ones have been created and I have to say the attention to detail amazes me.

 

Then there is the bracelets, which I also have been loving to make because they are quick, easy and something I can work on while watching TV at night. Been bouncing around the idea of trying to create some matching earrings for them to – but need to source some solid and affordable posts as I am HORRIBLY sensitive to anything plated and wish not to sell something I can’t also wear. I find it important that even if no one inquires, I wear my own creations daily. If you won’t wear your own stuff, then why would you think someone else would want to as well?!

 

 

I’ve also been batting the idea around to add some vlogs to my posts. I’ve been hell bent on relearning how best to apply make up and I’ve yet to see one from someone my age – which though I don’t look nearly close to what people would think 39 looks like, there are some base differences to how I can apply make up to say a twenty-something with fresh skin. I’ve also been wanting to post opinions of products and what I find works for me – in an effort to help out those in the ‘older’ set. If there is an interest in that, please let me know in the comments!

Racing is something I need to get back into as well once the weather is more conducive to running outside. I find running on the treadmill to be difficult at best since I can’t train in intervals nearly as easily (why for has the health and fitness industry not created a treadmill in which you can program timed intervals?! Get on that engineering/programming types!) I’ve been doing well on Weight Watchers and have managed through their program and walking 10000 steps a day approximately to loose a total of 12 lbs in about as many weeks so it’s a good, solid and manageable progression. Only 27 more to go!

There really has been a lot going on, and a ton that I want to start discussing more openly regarding my point of view on things. I just need to organize and start working on them. Stay tuned for more!

 

 

Imbolc – The Coming of the Light

Today marks the Festival of St. Brigid, otherwise known as Imbolc – which is the celebration of the home and the coming of the light. In pagan terms, it signifies the midway point of winter and the coming of spring. I’ve decided to use this month – and it’s extra day – to institute some positive changes in my lifestyle. Brigid has also always been a Goddess to whom I’ve always felt a strong pull and connection and revisiting my internal draws is part of that journey. I’ve wandered away from researching, learning and discovering things on a spiritual level the last five years and that’s something I have to correct. She, along with Hecate and Cerridwen, make up my three guides.

As anyone who may have followed my blog may know, I’ve had issues recently with running and problems with my legs. I still don’t know officially what is going on, but I have seen a sport medicine doc and have to acquire some plastazote orthotics for my shoes, as well as some physical therapy to being this Friday. I’m hoping that those two things combined will allow me to complete my road to 10K in April. This is one of my short-term goals.

Today I also start with being positive. There is a LOT going on at home right now, and I want to spread happiness, joy and love to those I hold dear to me. Money is an issue, and even with taxes coming up there are plenty of negative decisions I have made throughout the last three years that I need to correct. It won’t be an easy road, but in spite of it I am determined to regain the upbeat, confident and determined woman I am and have been. She’s been hiding, you see, and I’m tired of being something I’m not. It’s not fair to my family, but also not fair to my self and is a disservice towards the goals and progress I intend to make.

So, for the next 29 days, I endeavor to find things daily that make me smile, that make my heart sing and share them with my family. I endeavor to document those things and hold them dear, as future reminders of where I’ve been and where I’ve come from. I endeavor to improve my health with the coming light and take advantage of the cycles that are offered to me to learn, to grow, to improve and to share of myself with those that I deem worthy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pampering….

This past Friday, I took the afternoon to literally pamper myself. Hair, nails, toes…the whole she-bang. Now, I’ve worked in the industry so I understand the talent and supplies needed for such endeavors, and I STILL have issue with how much getting one’s hair cut and colored costs. But, in a professional environment, it is BEST to keep up with such things. I just haven’t accepted it.

I have to admit, it felt amazing to spend those few hours just sitting back and letting others take care of me for a while. It feels good now, a few days later, to look down at my nails and have them exactly the way I like them. It just simply felt good. And as a mother, that’s something I realized I forget to do for myself – and it’s important.

We spend so much of out days taking care of others – we often forget to step back and indulge in ourself, appreciate ourself, and just allow others to take care of me for a little while. Its a solid reminder, in spite of the costs, that we are worth that few hours every few months. Take it. Accept it, Appreciate it and yourself and enjoy that ‘you’ time. It’s important.

New Year—New Start

newyear2016

 

2015 ended on a rather good and solid note for me, though 2016 was rung in quietly and with ample amounts of sleep! I do hope, for anyone reading, that you’re new year began happily, with an abundance of hope and prosperity for the coming days.

I turn 39 this year and to me, age is indeed just a number. But there is something to be said for those ‘milestones’ – you know, aged 5, 10, 13, 16, 18, 21, 25, 30, etc. It’s rather funny, actually, how we start to spread them out into 5-year increments starting in our 20’s, isn’t it? As my proverbial 30’s are coming to what is socially and chronologically considered their close, I have endeavored to make improvements for myself. Nothing major, and indeed I’ve already started with drastically decreasing my caffeine in-take, greatly increasing my water consumption and attempting to make better dietary choices without denying myself sweet, delicious junk food. I haven’t been able to run – physical limitations have been halting the forward progresses I had made there – but I have already established appointments to look into the causes of said issues and hopefully resolve them so that I can continue with the momentum I have building up.

Each weekend this year I want to DO something beneficial – this month it will be literally cleaning out some closets, purging what is no longer useful, needed or retain-able for sentimental value, and reorganizing my work space to accommodate a few things that are being developed – expanding my work with Chrysalis Creation and it’s Etsy shop which I LOVE and expanding my social networking there in through both its Twitter and Instagram feeds. My partner has started to home brew mead and I have to say that has piqued my interests too – something I can create, set aside to develop on it’s own through nature, and then enjoy afterwards with others. Exercise is taking a forefront again – especially weight training. I’ve mentioned before that I have a love/hate relationship with running, but I LOVE weight training. There is something tangible about seeing your gains and lifting heavier weights, or easily doing more reps that I just enjoy. Gains with running I’ve noticed are very subtle, and subtlety and I have always had a rough relationship.

I had to defer the 10k I was supposed to run this week due to the aforementioned physical limitations I’ve been experiencing. I’m not certain if it’s due to plantar fascittis, shin splints, or even an IT band issue. But I know I can get it looked and and any of those can be worked out. I’ve already started to brainstorm possibilities for running costumes for the 10k I WILL be completing in April with the runDisney Star Wars – The Dark Side challenges.

So to all, on this first post of 2016 – don’t make resolutions. They fail. Simply decide what you want to DO this year and get after doing it. The rest will all fall into place.

 

 

 

The Struggle Is Real….

Work. Kids. Family. Finances. FINANCES. Time. Priorities. Love. Partners. Work. School. Exercise. Running. Social Activities. Play dates. Birthday parties. Finances. Personal Time. Hobbies. Yes, the struggle is real. I’ve mentioned it before that time can be tight when you’re a mom, a partner to someone who works night shift, work full time and basically am single mother most of the time. I wonder how I do it all and then realize there are plenty of things I’m unable to get to and have to decide if I can live with that or not. Sometimes that struggle is the worst as I can feel, quite simply, like I’m letting SOMEONE down; be it my children, my partner, my family, my coworkers or worse…myself. Its no wonder that since having my littlest one I’ve not lost the weight that I put on in pregnancy. I saw a post today about Loey Lane, a beauty blogger, plus-sized advocate and general all around bad-ass who talks openly about confidence, acceptance and just being comfortable with yourself. This is something that I realized I’d lost. I push myself so hard to get back to my pre-baby body and loose the gut I’ve gained without realizing or accepting my age, how exactly my body has changed, and where I am NOW.

 

I started running in 2013 as a response to the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings with the intent to eventually run that race. I had always had the adage that unless my life was in danger, I wasn’t running, and yet here I was signing up for 5k’s and taking great pride and pleasure in improving my per mile minute. I just turned 38. Yes, I’m overweight and weigh the most I have ever in my life. I also have two beautiful children to show for my efforts and the wear and tear my body has experienced. I have horrible eating habits that I have to work to improve. I run, when I can, and push myself to do so when the weather permits (when it’s 90-something in Florida and the feels like due to humidity is upwards of 110, you don’t WANT to go out in that!) Do I wish I wasn’t in this body? Yes…because I feel like I’m letting my partner down. I feel like I’m not attractive anymore and why should they have any interest in this mass of flesh and pudge? But then I remember that love transcends appearance (thankfully) and that when you have it pure it can overcome anything. But there in lies the crux…I can’t accept myself so how can I expect someone else to? In order to be where I want to be, I have to accept me as-is with the idea that I will take steps each day to make improvements for MYSELF.

And this is where the struggle comes in. Mostly this blog is about my Etsy shop, my creations and promotion. But I do want to share that we all have similar struggles in life – money, weight, confidence, acceptance. It was recently pointed out to me that I still seem to have some issue with wrapping my head around two things – 1.) my age and 2.) that I am now, officially,  a professional. Yes, I do have issues with this, particularly #1. I just turned 38 but you’d never know it. I dont look it. I don’t “act” it (and how in the world is one supposed to act any particular age, anyhow?) and I don’t generally -dress- like it because I didn’t have a household growing up that was anything other than blue collar. Now, I don’t dress like I used to – being semi professional and a recovering goth make that pretty easy – though I still tend to gravitate towards all black. But gone are the days of fishnet shirts under tank tops with chunky knee high boots and a cute skirt over more fishnets; replaced with jeans, a tee shirt and flats or sneakers most days.

The struggle comes in accepting who I am NOW instead of who I was or even who I want to be. The irony is I can’t get to be where I want to be until I accept where I am now and embrace it. Maybe that’s why I enjoy painting my dollies so much as well – I have an outlet for that recovering goth that’s not only beautiful, but the whole universe of Monster High in particular is about embracing your “freaky flaws” and being who you are – not what other expect you to be. This while holding on, somewhat, to the innocence and frivolity that is youth. Even funnier still is I’m generally the one to state that age is just a number and that when I get to be the big 4-0 it will be like any other age. I still believe that, but it’s easy to accept this train of thought when you don’t really accept your age to begin with. It’s certainly not a death sentence as many feel it is, but a new chapter – a new decade to explore and grow and adapt to.

I could continue on and on and I may in future posts…but for now I want others to know, even other thirty-something moms trying to hold down the fort without loosing their proverbial minds, that they aren’t alone, there are those of us out there that understand, and the struggle is real—-so don’t fight it. Embrace it.

Small steps…

Small steps lead to great things. I have fought continuously with various aspect of myself for years. Mainly related to my weight and subjectively my insecurities. I’m not obese – though I would be considered overweight medically and am on the curvy/fluffy side.

 

One of the things I’ve realized recently is that I’m trying to attack things like I did in my 20’s. I’m not 20-something anymore. I work a full time job, I balance work with my children and family and keeping up a somewhat respectable home and then my hobbies. My signifigant other works an opposing shift and has an extremely high stress job thats also dangerous. I cant just tackle something full boar and expect it to work like it would have over a decade ago or more!

My body has done amazing things. I have given birth to two marvelous children naturally and ten years apart no less. I have known love, passion, sadness, excitement, joy, silliness, happiness, depression, anxiety, anger and a whole slew of other emotions and states of emotional security. I wrestle with anxiety every day on top of my insecurities and it’s infuriating.

But I have a choice – I can sit back and do nothing and accept things as they are – and that IS something I need to do to a degree. I have to find happiness and contentment as I AM with goals for where I want to be else I become a self defeating prophecy. Or I change things differently now that I’m older, more tired and busier – I can focus on making SMALL changes over a period of time wwith accessible timelines.

First, I have decided to reduce caffeine and increase water. For the rest of this week I’m going to just enjoy myself. Starting Saturday I will not have any caffeine – soda, coffee or tea, until I’ve had at least three glasses of water. Being that right now I’m barely drinking two a day that SHOULD be an obtainable goal. And I need to do this for a least a month before I make any OTHER changes.